Highly sensitive children (and adults!) tend to function on the extremes of both ends of the scale; when things are hard they are really hard, but when things are feeling ok, they soar at whatever they put their minds to!
Highly sensitive kids struggle with things a lot more than other children because they feel things so much more intensely; an insult from a sibling is taken to heart, a friendship challenge at school is really stressful, their worries are bigger than you might expect them to be. Looking at traits of highly sensitive people is not a new area, but it’s not a popular one. Aside from Elaine Aron who has done some research in the area and written several books, there isn’t a lot more out there -apart from a lot of blog posts from highly sensitive people themselves.
In my practice, most of the children and adults that come to see me have highly sensitive traits. If you would like to get an idea if your child is highly sensitive, you can take this questionnaire. The questionnaire will also give you an idea of some of the characteristics.
There are lots of blog posts out there which list the features of highly sensitive children and adults, most of which regurgitate what Elaine Aron says in her website and books. In my experience, as a highly sensitive person myself and from years of treating highly sensitive people, some of these aspects in children include…
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Highly sensitive children have nervous systems that are more reactive than others. Winnie Dunn’s research on sensory processing has helped aid understanding in this area. This article helps explain it in more detail.
Using Dunn’s terminology, highly sensitive children have a low sensory threshold (or narrow window of tolerance). This means that their nervous systems only need a small amount of input to become activated (as opposed to someone with a high sensory threshold, who needs a lot of input). Each of the five senses can have a different threshold for activation, so some senses may be more sensitive than others. I’ll give some examples below to explain what this may look like in everyday life…
| LOW SENSORY THRESHOLD | HIGH SENSORY THRESHOLD | |
| VISUAL | Very observant | Not bothered by lots of mess |
| TOUCH | Notices scratchy materials/tags | Not bothered by messy hands/face |
| SMELL | Frequently comments on strong smells | May seek out strong smells -perfumes etc. |
| HEARING | Prefers quiet environments | Have to call name several times before they respond. |
| TASTE | Prefers plain foods | Likes mixing foods etc. |
When children have a nervous system that is easily activated, where only a small amount of sensory information is needed for it to become alert -it’s easy to see how these children can become easily stressed (or outside of their window of tolerance). If a highly sensitive child’s nervous system notices the body language of a friend become more hostile (something a non-highly sensitive child may not notice) then their hurtful words (stronger sensory input than a change in bodily language) activates their nervous system even more. So this child ‘feels’ the slight more than a non-highly sensitive child. Things just feel bigger -and to their nervous system, they are bigger.
Highly Sensitive Children and Play Therapy
Play therapy can help highly sensitive kids!
The aim is to help them increase their window of tolerance -which means, helping their nervous system tolerate more activation before it flips them into distress. For example, when they come across a stressful situation, play therapy can help them tolerate higher levels of stress, so they are less likely to move into a state of feeling like they can’t cope.
Play therapy also aims to make children feel heard and understood, which then aides healing. Highly sensitive kids need a lot more of this that other kids!
If you are wondering how you can help your highly sensitive child, check out these two articles: How to deepen your connection with your child with reflective listening and How to help your child with their emotions.