Sensitivity, or being emotional, is not a problem. It’s just another temperament type that, if someone has it, needs to be nurtured and encouraged so their strengths can shine. Unfortunately, though, we live in a culture that rewards emotional suppression and mislabels sensitivity as weakness, rather than recognising it as a form of emotional intelligence, empathy, and relational strength.
Were you told that you are too sensitive, too emotional, or too much? You were not the problem. The real issue was not getting the support you needed. Often, it’s about not having people around you who are emotionally attuned and supportive—because that’s what was needed to help you understand and learn how to regulate your emotional world.
There’s a book I read once called The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why some children struggle and how all can thrive. I’ve forgotten much of the content now to be honest, but I often use the premise of the book when I’m talking about the trait of sensitivity with my clients. Dandelions are hardy, resilient and adaptable. They can grow almost anywhere -between cracks in the pavement, in dry soil, in neglected environments. They are like the majority of the population, relatively non-sensitive people who tend to cope well in a range of environments, even ones that aren’t ideal.
Orchids on the other hand, like sensitive children, need just the right conditions. They aren’t as common, and they don’t thrive just anywhere. They require specific conditions to grow: the right soil, temperature, fertiliser – like sensitive children need nurturing, attunement and emotional safety. Without those conditions -orchids and sensitive children – can struggle more than other flowers or children. But when the ideal conditions are met, they don’t just survive, they flourish, they excel.
Here is the good news though, even if you missed out on the right conditions as a child, or didn’t get enough of the right stuff, it’s never too late. With the right conditions, sensitive people can become a combination of very capable, deeply empathetic, and very creative and expressive. Your sensitivity can become a profound strength instead of a flaw.
Now that you are an adult, and have more choices, what do you need to thrive? Often it is about looking at what wounded you the most, and looking to compensate that area. For example, as a sensitive person myself, I need to surround myself with deeply empathetic people who understand me psychologically and can validate me. I also need to work in very quiet environments with very few people. That’s just two ways I have shaped my life to allow myself to thrive.
So if you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” maybe it’s time to ask a different question: What kind of environment would allow me to truly thrive?