We often use the word triggered to describe moments when we feel suddenly and intensely overwhelmed — anxious, angry, scared, ashamed, or shut down — especially in response to something that doesn’t seem, on the surface, like it should cause such a strong reaction.
What’s often happening in those moments is something called an emotional flashback. This is when your nervous system reacts to something in the present that unconsciously reminds it of something painful from the past — usually an experience that was overwhelming or unsafe at the time and never got fully processed.
An emotional flashback doesn’t come with a clear memory or story. Instead, it shows up as a wave of intense emotion — like panic, shame, grief or rage — that seems to appear out of nowhere. It feels immediate and real — because it is happening in your body right now. But the size, tone, or urgency of the feeling often belongs to a much earlier experience — one that may not have had the safety, support, or language it needed when it first occurred.
Emotional flashbacks can feel overwhelming and frightening.
They can leave you feeling like a small child again — worthless, scared, ashamed, or not good enough. These states often come on suddenly and without a clear cause, and the feelings can last for hours, sometimes even days.
Because they’re rooted in old, unresolved emotional wounds, they can be incredibly hard to shift — especially if you don’t yet know what’s happening or why.
How to Feel Safe Again When You’re Having an Emotional Flashback
There are three really important things I want you to remember:
- These feelings come from ‘memory time’ not ‘now time’.
- A child part of you has been triggered
- You need to access your adult present self
Memory time is the past, now time is safe
I want you to know this — with all your heart, inside out, back to front — so that when you’re triggered, you can bring it straight to the front of your mind:
These feelings are from memory time.
Now time is safe.
Yes, the emotions you’re feeling are real. The fear, the shame, the overwhelm — it’s all valid. But the intensity of what you’re feeling belongs to something from the past — something your nervous system didn’t get to process at the time. Your brain is reacting like it’s happening all over again. But it’s not.
Right now, your brain believes you’re in danger — but you’re not. The threat isn’t here anymore. This is memory time, not now time.
Speak gently to yourself:
These feelings are from memory time. Now time is safe.
A child part of you has been triggered
The part of you that’s feeling scared, worthless, not good enough — or whatever intense emotions are rising up — is a child part. It’s the part of you that was the same age you were when the original trauma happened.
If the trauma occurred when you were six, then this part of you feels like it’s six years old. It sees the world through the eyes of a six-year-old — one who had little power, limited choices, and no real way to stand up for themselves or make sense of what was happening.
That part of you isn’t irrational — it’s frozen in time, still carrying the emotion and meaning it couldn’t release back then. And when it gets triggered, it doesn’t realise you’ve grown. It still feels just as vulnerable as it did back then.
Accessing your adult self in the present
To feel safe again — and to begin coming out of an emotional flashback — you need to reconnect with your adult self.
Right now, your child self has taken over. Their emotions have flooded your system. The fear, shame, powerlessness — it’s all real, but it’s coming from a younger part of you that didn’t get what they needed at the time.
Here’s how to begin gently returning to the present:
Remind yourself: These feelings are from memory time, not now time.
Say it out loud if it helps.
“Now time is safe.”
“These feelings are from back then, not now.”
Recognise that it’s a child part feeling this way.
This is a younger version of you — maybe 3, or 5, or 9 — and they’re still holding the intensity of what they went through. Right now, it may feel like you are the feelings, like they’ve consumed you completely.
See if you can create just a little space.
Visualise your child part as the one having the feelings — and you, the adult, as someone who can witness and comfort them. You don’t need to push them away. Just gently step alongside them, like a steady hand reaching out.
Imagine being with that child part — what do they need right now?
What do their feelings need?
Close your eyes if it helps, and picture yourself beside that younger version of you. What do they most need in this moment? Reassurance?
- A sense of safety?
- To be held, seen, or protected?
- Someone to tell them, “You didn’t deserve that” or “You’re not alone anymore”?
Sometimes I find it more powerful to place an empty chair in front of me and imagine my child self sitting there. I speak to them gently — saying things like, “I know you’re really scared right now, but I’m the adult now. You don’t have to carry this anymore. I’m here, and I’ll take it from here.” I imagine them softening, feeling safe, and returning inside — no longer needing to be in charge.
You don’t have to get it perfect. Just be with them, like the kind of adult you needed back then. Even simply saying: “I see how scared you are. I’m here with you now.” can begin to bring safety back into your system.
This is how we begin to turn toward our pain instead of away — and slowly, gently, begin to heal what never got to be healed at the time.
Remind yourself that you’re an adult
A child is, in many ways, powerless. They can’t make their own choices. They can’t leave, set boundaries, or fully understand what’s happening around them. They are completely dependent on the people and environment they’re in — which means they’re also at the mercy of those circumstances, whether safe or not. And these may be the very circumstances your feelings now are rooted in. What you’re feeling today may carry the emotional imprint of what you once couldn’t escape, understand, or express.
So remind yourself: you’re an adult now. You’re no longer stuck in the powerlessness you once lived in. You have choices, resources, and capacities that your younger self didn’t.
Gently bring to mind the things you can do now that you couldn’t do then — the skills, strengths, and roles that anchor you in your adult self. These are not just affirmations — they’re facts that remind your nervous system you’re no longer powerless.
Say them out loud if you can. Speak them clearly — even if part of you doesn’t believe them yet.
Remind yourself of:
- “My name is [name], and I’m [age] years old.”
- “I’m an adult now.”
- “A part of me feels scared/small/ashamed — but I’m not a child anymore.”
- “I can make choices.”
- “I can say no.”
- “I have skills I feel confident in, like [cooking / managing my work / taking care of others].”
- “I hold roles that remind me of who I am now — like being a friend, parent, partner, or professional.”
This doesn’t erase the pain — but it helps your adult self step in, so your child part doesn’t have to keep carrying it alone.
When I’m in a triggered state, I sometimes say these things out loud — to bring my adult self back online. It might sound something like this (and I encourage you to try it too):
“My name is Suzanne. I’m 46 years old. I’m an adult now. A part of me feels scared and small — like a child — but I’m not a child anymore. I can make choices now. I can say no. I can drive a car. I run a business. I’m a mum and a wife. I organise our holidays every year. I taught our dog all the obedience skills. I know how to take care of things. I know how to take care of myself.”
Yours will sound different to mine — but say the things that are true for you. Say them out loud. They are the evidence that you are here, now, and safe.
Remember This
Emotional flashbacks can feel overwhelming, but the first step is to understand what’s happening — that this isn’t just about now, it’s a younger part of you remembering something old.
- You’ve been triggered — your nervous system is reacting to something that feels like danger.
- The intensity of your emotions is coming from the past, not the present.
- A child part of you has taken over — the part that first felt this way.
- Your job is to bring your adult self back online and remind your system: These feelings are from memory time. Now time is safe.
- If you need to, reconnect with who you are now — the skills you have, the choices you can make, and the support around you.
That’s how you begin to feel okay again — not by pushing the feelings away, but by understanding them, and meeting them with safety.