In the world of psychology, it’s often said that changing your thoughts will lead to emotional change. This is the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which says that by shifting our thoughts, we can influence how we feel. But what if emotions come first, driving our thoughts rather than the other way around? This is the core belief of Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), the approach I use, which takes a different approach to heal trauma and all other mental health conditions.
EFT says that healing starts by fully experiencing and processing your emotions.
Emotions are fundamental in shaping how we think, feel and act
EFT says that emotions aren’t just responses to our thoughts. Instead, they come first, as primary experiences. They’re quick, automatic, and often subconscious and guide how we perceive the world around us. In EFT, emotions are seen as deeply connected to our unmet needs, personal values, and past experiences. This makes them fundamental in shaping how we think, feel and act.
When it comes to healing from trauma, EFT says that healing cannot come from changing our thoughts, but from accessing and processing these deep, underlying emotions. If these primary emotions are not addressed, then the thoughts that we try to change will continue to feel shallow, or disconnected, as they don’t speak to the true emotional experience underneath.
An Example: Emotions Triggering Thoughts
The following examples show how emotions come first –
Imagine catching up with a friend, and they make a critical comment about the outfit you’re wearing. Immediately you feel hurt and a sense of rejection before you even start thinking about what happened. It’s only after this initial reaction that thoughts start forming, like, “I must look terrible” or “Did they say that because they are angry at me?”. You may even just feel out of sorts for hours, and it’s not until you get home and have time to process your emotions that your thoughts start to try and make sense of how you are feeling.
From an EFT perspective, that initial feeling of hurt is more than a reaction to one comment. It’s an emotional signal that might be revealing a deeper, unmet need for acceptance, or maybe a reminder of a painful past experience where you felt judged or undervalued. This primary feeling, if we allow ourselves to explore it, can tell us so much more than any thought pattern alone.
How this applies to trauma healing
If you have trauma, EFT can help you access emotions that can feel overwhelming, numbed or confusing. Trauma can create deep emotional patterns that are linked to our survival, that are stored in the body and automatic responses, that are activated long before they make it to our conscious awareness and thoughts.
For example, if you have a history of relational trauma and have anxiety, I would help you explore the emotion itself rather than just rethink the anxious thoughts. The anxiety might reveal an underlying need for safety and protection, or the need to be loved and cared for, and this is what needs to be healed before change can happen. Needs that stem from past trauma and are very real and meaningful.
Feeling first
Instead of just asking, “How can I change this thought?” EFT asks, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” EFT dives deeper into emotional experience to find healing.
Emotion Focused Therapy allows real change to happen by addressing emotions at their core. It’s not just about thinking differently; it’s about feeling deeply and allowing those feelings to guide you toward healing.