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Why Does Past Trauma Affect My New Relationships?
Our brains recreate the familiar conditions from our childhood. This means that in relationships, we tend to choose partners who reflect characteristics from our past, just as we reflect parts of theirs. Then, we tend to trigger behaviours in each other that recreate...
How to Care for Yourself When Christmas Feels Heavy
For some, the day is spent with family who feel more draining than comforting. For others, the season brings up a different kind of ache — having no one to celebrate with, or feeling invisible while everyone else seems to have a place to be. Whichever end of that...
Memory Time vs Now Time
Sometimes people notice their emotional reactions feel much bigger than the situation in front of them. A small comment from a partner brings shame. A friend’s silence causes panic. Logically, you know that nothing catastrophic has happened — but your body reacts as...
When the Past Feels Like the Present: Understanding Trauma, Memory Time, and Now Time
I use the word trauma a lot. It’s a loaded word, and for many people, it makes them think of war, abuse, or catastrophic accidents. So when I say to someone, “You’ve experienced trauma,” they are often unsure what I mean. Their reaction makes sense. The DSM-5-TR — the...
Why Some of Us Long for Love, But Don’t Trust It – Exploring Disorganised Attachment
“Come close… but don’t.” Disorganised attachment forms in childhood when the person you most rely on for safety is also the source of fear. This creates a devastating conflict: the child’s natural instinct is to seek comfort from their parent, yet the parent’s...
Why Some of Us Can’t Trust: Ambivalent Attachment
“It doesn’t matter how much they tell me they love me, or how much I trust they won’t leave me for someone else, it’s just so hard to believe them”. This is another common theme in the therapy room. Ambivalent attachment develops in childhood when a parent is...
Why Some of Us Value Independence: Understanding Avoidant Attachment
“My childhood was fine. I always had food, clothes, and I got taken to after-school activities. I don’t know why I struggle so much now”. Variations of this statement are really common in the therapy room. On the surface, everything looked great. But often, something...
What Secure Attachment Really Means
What Secure Attachment Really Means Imagine being in relationships with others – and having a sense that you belong, that you’re safe, and that someone has your back. That ease and deep-down sense of well-being is what secure attachment feels like. Attachment styles...
Were you ever told that you’re too sensitive, too emotional, or too much?
Sensitivity, or being emotional, is not a problem. It’s just another temperament type that, if someone has it, needs to be nurtured and encouraged so their strengths can shine. Unfortunately, though, we live in a culture that rewards emotional suppression and...
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