Making a decision about an unplanned pregnancy can be one of the hardest decisions a woman ever has to make. With pregnancy counselling, woman can gain some clarity on what the best decision for them is.
I worked for five years on a pregnancy counselling line. I supported hundreds of women who called for help with deciding what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. I spoke to a wide range of women, from very young teens to women who had adult children who no longer lived in the family home. Every woman I spoke to pained over the decision, it was not easy for any single one of them.
Although every woman’s situation was different, there was a commonality that I noticed after some time. The difficulty with making a decision -to continue with the pregnancy, to terminate, or to adopt, was typically made much harder by outside influences. Often (but not always) women knew in their hearts exactly what they wanted to do, but could not reconcile this with their outside influences. For example, the partner who wanted a termination when she wanted to continue with the pregnancy, the family who was excited about a grandchild when she wanted to terminate, the religion that did not ‘believe in’ termination, the friends who did not think she could cope with a baby. The list was endless.
I came across the poem below during my time on the counselling line. I referred woman to it countless times. I love it, because it empowers women to strengthen their inner feelings. It makes women feel strong through placing importance on their wants and needs. It places women at the centre of the decision making process. It brings women home to themselves.
Women Know
We women know when it is or is not the right time to bring a child into the world.
We use our heads and our hearts to see clearly the pros and cons of our three choices: parenting, placing for adoption, or having an abortion.
We know better than anyone else what we can and cannot handle emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally.
We know our own limits and strengths.
We know when the choice of abortion can prevent the harsh consequences of bringing a child into the world when we are not ready or able to do our child justice.
We act out of compassion when we wait to have a child until the time when we can give it the kind of life every child deserves.
We act out of love when we consider what we would be taking away from the child or children we already have if we brought another child into our family now.
We take care of our mental health by making decisions that limit the strain we place upon ourselves and those we love.
We take care of our physical health by considering our medical history and the risks that come with pregnancy, labour and delivery.
We think clearly when we call our abortion decision one of ‘self-care’ rather than calling ourselves selfish. We must care for ourselves before we can take care of another human being.
We see clearly beyond other’s words, ‘I’ll help you out if you have the baby…’ We know that the responsibility for raising a child will fall squarely on our own shoulders.
We have foresight enough to know that ‘having a baby’ doesn’t stop with infancy. It means raising a child who will need our financial support, time and attention for as long as it takes the child to become an independent adult.
Women throughout all time and throughout the world have made the decision to have an abortion, whether or not abortion was safe and legal. Women have risked their own lives to avoid bearing a child they could not adequately care for.
Childbirth, miscarriage, and abortion are all parts of women’s lives. Women of childbearing age from every generation, occupation, income level, race and religion have had abortions.
Whatever their choice, women know the truth about their lives.
Adapted with permission from Baker, A & Stewart Berg, J, ‘We Women Know’, Abortion and Options Counselling, 1995, The Hope Clinic for Women, Illinois, USA
If you, or someone you know, could benefit from pregnancy support counselling, to help in making a decision about a pregnancy, please feel welcome to contact me on the form below.
For more assistance on making a decision about an unplanned pregnancy, the Royal Women’s Hospital in Victoria has a really helpful Decision Making Guide.
Suzanne Hall is a Registered Psychologist and Child Psychologist located in Ringwood, Victoria. She has a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology and training in Child Centered Play Therapy, Synergetic Play Therapy and Emotion Focused Therapy. Suzanne treats children, adolescents and adults.
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