Emotional regulation, emotional dysregulation…have you heard any of these terms? They are being used a lot in the world of psychology lately. But what do they really mean? I suspect there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.
Emotional regulation IS NOT being calm. That is the first key. Being regulated means having an emotional experience, but not being controlled by it. For example…
- You’re angry. Are you yelling and screaming or hitting someone? You’re emotionally dysregulated. Or, are you aware that you are angry and making choices about what you do next -like walking away, or meditating? In that case you’re emotionally regulated.
Being emotionally regulated means you are having an emotional experience, but you are aware of it, you’re mindful of it. It’s not in control of you, you are in control of it. You are having that experience and able to make choices about what you do to manage it. You are bigger than the experience rather than it being bigger than you.
It’s what we all aim for whether we realise it or not. It’s often the reason people seek counselling, for themselves or their children, when they feel they or their child cannot regulate though an emotion, when it seems like the emotion is ruling them, whether it be sadness, anxiety, anger or something else.
Counselling will help you expand your window of tolerance, that is, the amount of emotion you can tolerate before it overwhelms or controls you. It will also teach you how to emotionally regulate through the emotion, or manage it or teach you how to help your child emotionally regulate through it.
Read more
Take the First Step Towards Healing
If you're struggling with complex trauma, don't face it alone. Contact me today and start your journey to trauma recovery.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Many individuals may have been inaccurately diagnosed or categorised under PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) due to the unavailability of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a diagnostic category. I would argue that all psychological disorders stem...
Trauma and the brain
Understanding the impact of trauma on the brain helps us understand why we get stuck in the trauma and get tricked into thinking we are constantly unsafe. Our brain and nervous system is a complex and finely tuned network designed to protect us from danger. However,...
Small t Traumas and Large T Traumas
Small t Traumas and Large T Traumas Some categorise traumas into Small t and Large T traumas. These categories help draw attention to the fact that smaller but repeated traumas are just as, if not more, deeply impactful than the obvious and concrete larger, or single...