Emotional regulation, emotional dysregulation…have you heard any of these terms? They are being used a lot in the world of psychology lately. But what do they really mean? I suspect there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.
Emotional regulation IS NOT being calm. That is the first key. Being regulated means having an emotional experience, but not being controlled by it. For example…
- You’re angry. Are you yelling and screaming or hitting someone? You’re emotionally dysregulated. Or, are you aware that you are angry and making choices about what you do next -like walking away, or meditating? In that case you’re emotionally regulated.
Being emotionally regulated means you are having an emotional experience, but you are aware of it, you’re mindful of it. It’s not in control of you, you are in control of it. You are having that experience and able to make choices about what you do to manage it. You are bigger than the experience rather than it being bigger than you.
It’s what we all aim for whether we realise it or not. It’s often the reason people seek counselling, for themselves or their children, when they feel they or their child cannot regulate though an emotion, when it seems like the emotion is ruling them, whether it be sadness, anxiety, anger or something else.
Counselling will help you expand your window of tolerance, that is, the amount of emotion you can tolerate before it overwhelms or controls you. It will also teach you how to emotionally regulate through the emotion, or manage it or teach you how to help your child emotionally regulate through it.
Read more
Take the First Step Towards Healing
If you're struggling with complex trauma, don't face it alone. Contact me today and start your journey to trauma recovery.
Ambivalent and avoidant attachment
Attachment is a concept that is spoken about a lot. Formed in the earliest years of our lives, it goes on to impact us for a lifetime. Yet it is surprisingly difficult to find any reading material that goes beyond infants to how it impacts adults in relationships....
A Transgender Journey
A Transgender Journey: Juliet Jacques Juliet Jacques wrote a series of posts for The Guardian newspaper about her transition journey. While everyone's experience will be different, there may be aspects of Juliet's path that resonate with yours. ...
On Being Trans Enough: A Different Take
On Being Trans Enough: A Different Take Before I begin. I'm cisgender, a psychologist, and relatively new to understanding trans issues. I hope what I share is helpful to some. I acknowledge my privilege and inevitable ignorance as a cisgendered person. I'm mindful...